Monday, April 20, 2015

Letting Go Move On : Day 14

"Life is full of twist. We never see it coming"

Exactly 2-weeks. And today your life is trying to challenge you. Meeting those people who had hurt you and made you as who you are today. You'll know for sure whether you are moved on or not. It probably takes more time but you cannot run from your fate, from your test which is today.

In your hectic mind, you think more than you ever could. You imagine what's going to happen, how are you going to react or act, why you have to meet them and etc. What you don't know, the key of your happiness is actually think less, feel more. You don't have to think all sort of things. It will comes. And when it comes you just have to be you. Go with the flow. Feel for the moment. Whether it's hurting or not, it is life, it's a challenge, a test that you should pass through no matter what.

As what life can offer you, you just have to face it whether it's what you ever wanted or not. If you can predict life, it will be less adventurous. And if you plan so hard to do what you want to do, it will lost it's magic. So take a moment. Pray hard. And let God help you. You know deep inside that you can do this. You know that you are much stronger than you are before. It just a matter of taking the test - taking a step ahead.

P/S : This probably the last entry for "Letting Go Move On". Whatever happens today onwards will be a life full of twist. Yes, I can't let myself hoping too hard after this. This is my biggest life lesson which I hope I can survive all way through.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Letting Go Move On : Day 13

"Your happiness is number 1"

Sometimes you feel that everything you do in this life is for someone's happiness. And when they are happy, you'll be happy too. Yes, maybe for a short period of time. But your priority is your own as supposed.  As you already make your own happiness depends on others which is totally wrong, what if you lost that someone? You'll lose your reason of happiness too. And you don't put a reason for your happiness. Your happiness is when you are happy. Not because you want to make them happy then you'll be happy. Do you get it?

You'll regret it so bad once they can't afford to sacrifice the same thing as you do. They won't know about your sacrification. All they know is that;

"Why you want to do that. Did I ask you to do it?"

They never be thankful or bless to have you who is willingly making sacrification for their benefits. They won't remember. People sometimes care sometimes don't sometimes they pretend like they don't know just to exclude themselves. You'll be the stupid one if you sacrificed for wrong people. Maybe you think it is right but think twice. Think further. Not at that moment but for a long term. Does your sacrification is worth? Not only to them but to yourself. Because your feeling is a priority not others.

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Letting Go Move On : Day 12

"Prepare yourself for the worst!"

All this while you probably have said to yourself;

"I think I'm ready. I think I moved on"

What if you have to meet them? Or see them with other people, laughing, being happy and look as if nothing had happened? Everything what you've been going through will definitely keep on flashing in your memory.

"How can they be so happy while I'm hurting inside"

"Why they can pretend like nothing happens"

Well you are at your lost then. You don't have to show them your misery or sad face if you are with them. Go on and play act! If they can be that happy you should be too. Just because you're not the reason anymore doesn't mean you have to feel terrible. Because all you ever wanted is their happiness. Whether you are inside their happiness or not, it doesn't matter. You don't have to hold grudge. Maybe, your only revenge is making them see you today as a new you - the one who can survive everything alone. You don't need them now as much as you need them before. Let them know that you have so much freedom than you were before. And you'll enjoy every second of your life eventhough they are not inside it. Then, you know that even if you have to face them you'll feel nothing. They are just someone who you will hangout with, give fake smiles and laughs, share nothing and be nothing because at the end of the day, you know that, you just cannot be the real you in front of these people. You can't put trust on them like you did before. They've just turn out to be one of your other people who walk in and out of your life and you don't give a damn on those type of people.

Friday, April 17, 2015

Letting Go Move On : Day 11

"Why Creates Problem When All You Want To Do Is To Prevent Them"

We never settled. Sometimes we expect more to the people we put our hopes on. Even when we know the capabilites and the abilities of those people are not as much as what we wanted, we still hope for it. And you don't always get what you want. It's a matter of what you need is much more important. Because what you want is never ends. It keeps getting high and higher. You have someone you always dream for. You see them as perfect and you are so happy to be part of them. But the reality is, there is no such thing called perfect in this world. When you called them perfect, you see them as one, you actually create a problem that you never imagined of, expectation.

You expect them to do this, to do that. You started to be so judgemental about everything they do. You behave like you are a monitor, controller, dictator or anything you say, as if you want them to be as what you see perfect is. You get what I mean? And ironically, you're the one who started all the "perfect" thing and now you complaint everything about them being "perfect". You know why? Because your expectation is getting higher this time. Your expectation of them to be more than they could've been. You try to change them like they are not "perfect" anymore. Well actually, you're the one who need to change.

Why you want to expect so many things on them when you know that they can't or won't do as what you want them to do or be. Even they do, probably they do because of they are forced to. Why you want to force people who you love? Let them be as what they wanna be. Even it is a change for good, all you need is just advice not forcing. Because at the end of the day you'll realize that, your expectation is not gonna make you any good. It just going to hurt you more. So be grateful of what you have now. You don't know if one day, you'll lose them because of your expectation or not. If you love them as them before, accept all their flaws too. Flaws are not meant to be fixed but to be cared.

P/S : Subconsciously, I never know that I am one of the people who do this thing. And I've created a lot of problem because of my behaviour. I feel sorry to you. Yes I know, I always say you are perfect. Because you fullfilled my needs. I don't know that I've become so greedy inside to even change my needs to what I want. And that's where my expectations developed. I wish I can turn back time and make amend of all my wrongs on you. But I can't.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Letting Go Move On : Day 10

"Thank God"

Looking back at the time you were in pain. You were like crazy and sick. And today you are not the same. Its like every starts has it ends. And you just reached the end line of your misery phase;

"Everything's going to be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end"

After letting all your feelings out, you feel much better. You learn many things throughout the process. You feel peace and calm inside. Yes, you probably not forgetting all those yet, but for the mean time, it's enough for you to function again. Human brain is so great. It can choose what to remember and what not. But it can also choose what to forget. And if you choose and try hard to forget, eventually you will.

How will you know that you are so moved on? Well, no more tears no more fears. No more nightmares no more hopes. And you actually feel less care towards them. It doesn't means you not concern anymore but it just like, you feel it's okay if they are far away. You seem fine if they don't treat you the way you wanted it to be. And you feel much much much better inside. No more panic attacks or anxiety or uneasiness of always wanting to know what are they doing right now - like a stalker. Yes you always wanted to know about their life, their routines and whatever happens on them like every seconds ticking. And now you're not. You could care less about their life but more on your life. Because what's more important is yourself. Thats the lesson you've learnt when you realized that you are already moved on.

P/S : I feel bless. All my entire nights have always been about you. Whether it's a nightmare or not, it always has you. And lately, you never come. Maybe I really move on I don't know, but I feel much better when you're not in my sleep and I really hope that it stays like this forever. Thank God.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Letting Go Move On : Day 9

"To forget is so much difficult than to remember"

It difficults. Yes. It takes time and of course your efforts. At first, you keep on crying under your blanket day in and out. Your tears pouring down unconsciously. You just can't hold it. You can't be yourself. Everytime you're trying to forget, the more you remember. But you can't stay that way forever. At some point you'll realize you just can't keep abusing yourself.

"Enough! I had enough!"

Gain some power left, stop doing what you did, make yourself busy and forget slowly - because time make people forget.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Letting Go Move On : Day 8

"Desperation vs Obsession"

When you were trying to reminisce the old days. On how you guys met, how was your relationship developed, and how you could keep it so long up till today, you'll enjoyed a rollercoaster ride while sighing;

"What had happened to me"

People change with surrounding. And surrounding makes people to learn about something whether its good or not. When your lover comes into your life, you'll definitely change towards them or be like them more or less. You were once empty or shielded, became full and cracked. You were once ignorance, became full of care and concerns. Just towards them. Just for them. And at some point of this life you'll become them, and they become you. If they were the one who started to care and love and need you like you are the only one in this world, scared if you had left them, at some point you'll be like them too. Only then, when they were confident having you by their sides, they became so settled and comfort that you won't go anywhere, you won't survive without them, you won't leave them because they knew you're going to suffer a lot if you do that, because you need them more, and that's probably why they keep distance. They don't show how their cares and loves for you like they did before. And if you bring up the issue, they hate it. If you cried a lot, you beg a lot, and you looks so desperate to keep them, they'll be tired of you. Ironically as this life as can be, they forgot that they were once like that too, only then they change to not wanting you or loving you like before. And when you showed your desperation, they'll dislike it and they'll simply say;

"Why you want to become like me?"

As if all the fault become yours. You the one to blame for all of the arguments. They don't realize that we feel miserable inside on why they had change. Why their need for us had changed. Why the hell you the one who become so desperately wanting to keep it now not them. Because people change? Don't they know that at first place why you fall in love with them? Because you felt so special with how they had treated you. You felt as if they can't live without you and you wanted to repay it by making them special too, only then you'll regret that you love and want them way too much until you feel like you are a victim.

You can't afford to lose them now because you know you'll suffer so bad. You can't expect them to change to show their loves like they did before because they'll mad at you. And the end of the day, you'll just have to accept the fact that in this world, they are no single thing that stays forever. Not them, not their loves, not you, not anything. If you show too much of you desperation on them, they'll be annoyed. They'll be irritated. Yes, you know that they were like that before but you never feel annoyed or irritated by them, even they themselves don't know it. They never feel they are. Because you never be able to say it if they truly are, because you know how annoyed and clingy they are is equivalent on how much they care and wanting you. But for today, that equation simply don't work anymore for them. How irony this life right?

Well you just have to drop everything in comparison. You can't compare yourself today to yourself before. You can't compare their love before and their love today. One thing that you can do is let it go. Let the matter go because eventhough you can't be as happy as before, as special as you felt you were, at least they want to keep you. At least they still treat you nicely. At least they still want to keep the relationship going. You don't want to turn to be so obsess about them. If they dislike what you did now (like they were before), it's their loss. They don't know how much you've  enjoyed and feel soooo good deep inside because of their "annoying" and "clinging" and "desperation" which make you so much appreciated and grateful to have them by you side. If they don't want it, drop it, let it go and be the way you were before because maybe they feel similar like you - they fall in love with the old you not you as today.

P/S : I never feel this pathetic. I feel like I'm so enough with begging and apologising and showing like I'm the lowest human being. When you did all that, people will loss respect towards you. That's what I felt. I felt I had lost my dignity and humanity to them. I don't want to keep searching and fighting for their care. If they want me, they can have me, if they don't it'll be no problem because I'm too tired to care about them and keep abuse myself for unnecessary thing. I just want to be calm in this world. I want to be at my peace. Nothing stays. NOTHING.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Letting Go Move On : Day 7

"Nightmares after Nightmares"

When you get overly attached to someone all you can see and think is them. Whether you're in happy, sad, trouble, neutral or anything else, your mind will keep on saying;

"I wish you were here"

It'll be miserable if they happen to be in your dreams too. If they happen to treat you right, you'll wake up smiling and satisfied, but if they don't, it'll be the worse nightmare that you ever had in your entire life. People change. So does feelings. If you hate what they are doing, you'll become pushy. Pushy causes people to be irritated. And believe me, you don't wanna irritate people you love. At some point of their life, if you keep insisting, keep pushing and keep irritating, their feeling for you might change. And when that happens, it just a little too late for you to mend it. All fairytales turn into nightmares. You cried, you crushed, you become miserable day in and out, but you just don't want your sleep haunted you too. Because everytime you wake up from your sleep, you wish you can have a new brand day but if it is from another nightmare, you won't have one. Trust me, I had lots of nightmares that I don't want to be part of. People might think I overreacted and exaggerated but that's my problem that I also wish I don't have. Because at the end of the day, it's only me who understand what's going through in my life, what I have become, and what I have handled. Its like a battlefield for me, people have no idea. And the enemy is my own reflection, like a divergent. If you are weak, it's gonna be the end for you. Maybe sometimes letting go isn't about people, maybe sometimes letting go means letting something that always haunted you, causes you to be dysfuntional or delusional from reality. You don't want to be sick while watching your love one live like nothing had happened to their life. It's a lost for you to make your life like that. It's always hard to start something you dislike, but it'll be easier afterwards. And I hope my life can be as easy as it is supposed to be.

P/S : I hope I can get rid all of my nightmares. I know that my mind is overthinking and that's probably why they came into my sleep. But seeing you hate me, strangling while I hold you, wanting to go so bad, make me realize that I can't stand or live if I'm the reason who make you hate me. Only if I can turn back time all this might not happened.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Letting Go Move On : Day 6

"Love is a gamble. It depends on how much you throw away your value - sacrifices"

Who loves more? An argument which never ends. Both parties expressed their feelings by words, actions and decisions. But there's always something that bothers their mind;

"Look at you, you're fine without me but me? I lost everything when I lost you"

"I love u more that's why I hurt more"

"You don't understand because you're not in my shoes"

Well, you can easily said that because it's your own feeling and it's only you who truly know about it. But if the other side didn't feel or want the same, why they tried to keep you for so long? Why they never said they don't like you? Why they can't end it? Why they keep on saying the same thing that they love you more too eventhough you feel it's not?

What have you tried to ask in your mind is all about you, you and you. You never know their mind, their feelings or their wants. It's like, they don't understand your feelings and you also don't understand theirs. Maybe you know that they love you because they show it. But you never ever going to know who loves who more. That's a never ever ending question that just going to make your life miserable. And you keep on doing it because you just can't drop the topic as a reason everytime you are in mad or argue with each other.

And then you expect them to behave exactly like you when you guys stay mad at each other. Just to see who suffers more when you guys without each other. What's the point? Do you able to hear what their minds think of? Do you able to feel what their hearts beating for? What can you just see is only their outside -  their shows. Just because you cried, you can't do anything, you can't sleep, you had nigtmares and panic attacks, and etc, you'll expect the other side to show the same things as yours. With that you'll know who suffers more loves more? Probably yes probably no. Yes in term of maybe they are just stronger than you thats why they can hold it. No because you don't know inside them. Maybe they suffers more inside and you'll never be able to see it. What you can do is just believe. If you still love them and you can feel that you are still being loved, so there is no need for you to continue about this argument. You can cried you can expressed everything it's not a wrongdoing but never questions about their loves towards you because you never know the answer. You just can feel for it and believe that they still want you and love you as you are. Maybe you just need to be as strong as them.

Sometimes in this life you have to act and accept. Like, you know they are happy with that something but you're not. You know if you express your feeling that you are sad or hurt if you heard about that something with them, you'll mad with each other. Sometimes you have to sacrifice and hold your feeling inside. Although you don't like it or hate it, you just have to show as if you love it. For their happiness, for yours too. If not, you'll lose them. And your happiness is all about them. Yes, you'll feel sad, not as happy as before but it's better than nothing. Because you know you can do nothing about it except play acting so that you won't lose them. Today, you made that sacrifice, probably later they will too. And it's all about what you need to do, not what you want to do at that moment. Yes it is hurting but if you accept it slowly, you'll find your innerpeace and be calm everytime any challenge come into your life. So whether to gamble or not is a choice, but to love and be loved is a destiny - a fate that you have to face.

P/S : What if one day, you woke up from your sleep, go to the people you love and being love for all this time, try to hug them but they rejected it. Try to kiss them but they don't want it. And then they say "I don't think I can continue this, I just don't feel it, I don't think I love u anymore.".............

Letting Go Move On : Day 5

"Calm Mind, Calm Heart, Calm Soul"

It's hard to love hard and when you do you'll fall hard too. Yes life is unfair. But it's your fault to think hard about that matter. Sometimes they are worth to remember and sometimes they don't. But both will make you hurt. And pain has it's own score. If people can choose their path, their fate, their future, they'll choose greatly. But reality is they don't know what future lies ahead of them. So they'll continue to live to the fullest at a time, thinking that the finish line is gonna be as strong as the start one.

So when the start is good, the middle is great, they'll hope to see the end to be excellent. It is an expectation. People live with expectation, vision and oath made by themselves. The truth is they can only pray. Pray for the best to happen in their lives so that they won't feel any regret or disappointed or resent or any bad feeling that causing them to be malfunction. Because people hate those feelings. People wants to be happy all the time eventhough they know they can't. So they expect the unexpected things to happen so hard and when it doesn't, they'll blame someone, something or even themselves. And when they do, their hearts won't feel calm.

The important thing in this life is to stay calm. Although you don't have health, wealth or status if you stay calm, your heart and mind will be at peace. It's your responsibility to make yourself calm so that you don't make harms. Harm to yourself of course.

P/S : I have to stop overthink, assuming and feel something that will not bring me myself benefits. I know by doing all that I'm going to be more hurt but I keep on doing it subconsciously. It's a lie to say I don't care but the truth is that I have to stay calm because if I care or concern too much, I'll be losing too much too.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Letting Go Move On : Day 4

"You don't always get everything as what you want. Face the fact and Try to learn!"

Overthinking can cause so much troubles. At some point of your life, you'll think that you are worthless living in this world. You'd lived without a purpose and thinking that what's the reason anymore. Just because you lose something it means everything. Just because you lose something that you are longing, keeping and struggling for all this while, you don't have anything to do if you stay alive.

It just a phase. A phase of learning process. You don't always get what you want - more precisely you don't always keep what God gifted you. Sometimes God just borrows it to you and take it back to teach you something. Something that beyond your thinking. He knows better than you are and you gotta believe in that. It's just a matter of time and the way you take on the task. Maybe you have to face it eventhough it's hurting. Every hello ends with a goodbye. But also every rain comes a rainbow. You have your ups and downs but you have to trust yourself that you are mattered to God if you keep on praying what's the best for yourself. You are never alone although you think you are. And God is the best planner and the best company.

So open your shielded heart. Try to accept people or things in and out. Try to learn more. Try to adapt and try to accept. Be grateful and blend in. Yes you hurt now and probably you have to fake a smile, but when you feel you are special enough, you'd think that you are worth living in this place called Earth. And when the time comes, you'll know why God plans all of these to be happen in your life - just to make you learn.

P/S : I may get a littte rush when it comes to know about something new. Rush in assuming, rush in making silly decision and rush in any action of wrongdoings, but I mend it - to the people that matters only. Well, I'm trying to learn to be more complete and sometimes I just can't handled myself well. But only God knows my strength and weakness and I don't have to try to explain or show everything to anyone just to make them satisfied - this is what I learn today, to not really get affected by people. Other people has their opinions which I don't necessarily need to explain everything because at the end of the day, they think what they wanna think and they say what they wanna say.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Letting Go Move On : Day 3

Sometimes letting go isn't about letting the people away from you.

I learnt today that when you accept the thing as it is, you can let it go without even virtually let it go. You know that you really want that person to stay by your side because your love, your care and your concern about that someone. What you do not know is that you can actually do all those things without even be by their sides. Seeing the happy or sad faces, share those bad and fine days, being with attention and concerns, well you pretty can do all of it eventhough you are far far away only if you truly love that person.

Imagine if you are away and pretty much not accepting well about the matter until it caused separation and hateness, it'll just brings more harm and more pain to yourself - which I had for a couple days ago. You cant see them and you cant be with them throughout the cycle. You dont know whats happening to them even though you wanted to know it so bad. And what worse is that it actually not what you really wants to happen. You were in denial and tried so hard to make it worse until you said to yourself,

"Hey stop it, this is not what you want. Enough is enough dont hurt yourself anymore"

Every bereavement has it stages. Mine was denial. I just cannot accept the fact that maybe they are made for each other. Maybe that person can be happier. Maybe that person found a better one. I should feel bless and happy because the people I love are happy and they want it and I should accept their decisions because I care about them I love them and I want to stay be with them. If that's how it is supposed to be. But it's not.

"I'm not happy because I'm not that reason anymore. I'm not happy because they have each other but not me. I'm not happy because I feel I'm the one who's losing here although I struggled so hard keeping it together. I want it I want it! No others. No better person can love you more than I could"

Well that's not what we called as love anymore. It's an OBSESSION. It's a harmful spirited devil little thing which cause destruction to someone. I know I love them. I know that I don't want us to be like strangers when we had almost everything when we were together. I appreciate all the memories we created and probably will create many more afterwards. The only reason which may held us is, we are just not gonna be like before. As close as before. But we can still care for each other. If thats how you can accept thing well you may pat you shoulder because that's such a huge achievement that you possesed that not everybody can have.

I had my anger out, my unsatisfactory, my disappointment and all my other rollercoster mixed feelings out. I feel sad deep inside, but if my sadness can bring them happiness, why not? Maybe they deserved to be happy. Maybe by seing them happy I'll become happier. I had mine and I am grateful to have it and keep it in my heart the way it is. It such a long journey which feel so short. But I'll remember those memories whenever or wherever I'd go or be, like a statue in my heart and mind which nobody can ever trade it with.

I'm glad you are a part in my unfinished chapter of this colourful life of mine.

So letting you go (to do things you want to do) without actually let you go is probably the best decision I've made so far. Because I'm sure you want the same too which is keeping me.

P/S : My love like a star, you can't always see me but you know that I'm always there. If you see one shining take it as mine and remember I'm always near.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Letting Go Move On : Day 2

"Heart is more generous than mind"

Mind plays role as a supporter and it's always been heart which decides everything. No matter how hard you have to handle the thing in your mind, you've tried to talk and chant and promise like almost everything in your mind, at the end of the day it's heart which get the chance to act it all.

And heart always been pure and innocent. Every moves which come from mind will make you regret those later, because your heart knows you don't wanna act like that. Your heart knows, you want something else, and you keep on saying in your mind that it's better to be like that eventhough it's not. After all "Heart knows what it wants".

It's been two days but it feels like forever. It's so difficult to continue living under such circumstances - when you had like everything in your life and suddenly it all disappeared. You are courage enough to do something that you don't wanna do for the rest of your life but you did. And when you did (due to all made up by mind of course), every seconds your heart will beats saying,

"This isn't feel right"

"You don't wanna do this"

"You'll regret it later"

"Please, change it, mend it!"

So, I don't think it's about courageous. I think it's about egoism. When you've been so generous of all your life and people starts stomping onto your head, uses you, bertrays but feels not guilty at all, then you know maybe your mind is right. Maybe your mind knows better. Maybe your mind wants the best so that you won't be hurted again and again and again. Maybe your mind knows that your heart is not capable to undergo another heartbreak. So this is when your mind becomes the leading role. And hopes to change you for the better or probably the best you can ever be beyond your imagination.

P/S : There's always a saying, "Everything be ready, if the mind be so", so when my mind is ready to accept all of these, no matter how hard I crushed, I'll stand strong again, with a polished and armored heart for sure.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Letting Go Move On : Day 1

All this while I know this situation will comes only that I don't know when. I keep on saying in my mind, my heart and my soul that I'm gonna be just fine. But to be honest I have no idea whether I can put aside all of it like it doesn't matter anymore - when it does. It always gonna be mattered most. Maybe this is my fate my destination and my challenge. I've had most wonderful years before and not possible that I'm gonna have a new one after. I never felt this betrayed. I own this feeling which I don't think people would understand. I'll try my hardest to keep it the way it is supposed to be. Maybe I was wrong maybe I'm not, the only thing I know, I had it and I handled it and I feel for it and I treated myself as I wanted it to be. I'm sorry, I love you way too much.

P/S : It's not about the situation it's about the way you handled the situation. I've heard it from someone who...hmm...actually did probably not more or less the same. Ironically. Sigh.

Monday, April 6, 2015

The Untold Truth

Well it came out to be another shock, another truth, another chapter of my uninspiring and boring life - yet again.

Kind of similar story but different main actor.

When we get close to someone (with opposite gender of course), surely there'll be a moment - what Ed Sheeran always potrayed in his songs;

"People fall in love in mysterious way"

Well I don't. I don't find it mysterious already. You get close, you get closer and you simply just be something from nothing ain't right? It's just human nature. But the hardest thing was when deep inside you, you'll know what's going to happen and when it happens, you just cannot accept it well. In terms of,

"We were bestfriends like siblings. You don't fall in love with your own brother/sister"


"Well, I know you guys had something (masakan pokok bergoyang kalau tiada angin) but why can't any of you admit before I found out?"

And the best part was...

"You're my bestfriend! I thought you'd shared everything like EVERYTHING including your own feelings. Its not a wrongdoing, it just didn't feel right for me because all this while you guys been talking/messaging/calling each other and you even denied (sakit hati la bila org ckp itu ini bla bla bla taktau dah nak explain cmne) and yet after I found out you said "We are closer but we have no relationship"....."

I mean, why don't you just say it that you are having something but not yet anything. Not after I found out like this. So it just another truth untold and I got to know by chance (again) because maybe God loves me more than I think He did. Maybe He wants me to know that both of you guys deserved to be caught after trying so hard to hide behind my back.

And to you (if you read this)


P/S : Im so f***ing tired with all of these. Why can't you just disappear. Sigh.


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