Thursday, April 9, 2015

Letting Go Move On : Day 3

Sometimes letting go isn't about letting the people away from you.

I learnt today that when you accept the thing as it is, you can let it go without even virtually let it go. You know that you really want that person to stay by your side because your love, your care and your concern about that someone. What you do not know is that you can actually do all those things without even be by their sides. Seeing the happy or sad faces, share those bad and fine days, being with attention and concerns, well you pretty can do all of it eventhough you are far far away only if you truly love that person.

Imagine if you are away and pretty much not accepting well about the matter until it caused separation and hateness, it'll just brings more harm and more pain to yourself - which I had for a couple days ago. You cant see them and you cant be with them throughout the cycle. You dont know whats happening to them even though you wanted to know it so bad. And what worse is that it actually not what you really wants to happen. You were in denial and tried so hard to make it worse until you said to yourself,

"Hey stop it, this is not what you want. Enough is enough dont hurt yourself anymore"

Every bereavement has it stages. Mine was denial. I just cannot accept the fact that maybe they are made for each other. Maybe that person can be happier. Maybe that person found a better one. I should feel bless and happy because the people I love are happy and they want it and I should accept their decisions because I care about them I love them and I want to stay be with them. If that's how it is supposed to be. But it's not.

"I'm not happy because I'm not that reason anymore. I'm not happy because they have each other but not me. I'm not happy because I feel I'm the one who's losing here although I struggled so hard keeping it together. I want it I want it! No others. No better person can love you more than I could"

Well that's not what we called as love anymore. It's an OBSESSION. It's a harmful spirited devil little thing which cause destruction to someone. I know I love them. I know that I don't want us to be like strangers when we had almost everything when we were together. I appreciate all the memories we created and probably will create many more afterwards. The only reason which may held us is, we are just not gonna be like before. As close as before. But we can still care for each other. If thats how you can accept thing well you may pat you shoulder because that's such a huge achievement that you possesed that not everybody can have.

I had my anger out, my unsatisfactory, my disappointment and all my other rollercoster mixed feelings out. I feel sad deep inside, but if my sadness can bring them happiness, why not? Maybe they deserved to be happy. Maybe by seing them happy I'll become happier. I had mine and I am grateful to have it and keep it in my heart the way it is. It such a long journey which feel so short. But I'll remember those memories whenever or wherever I'd go or be, like a statue in my heart and mind which nobody can ever trade it with.

I'm glad you are a part in my unfinished chapter of this colourful life of mine.

So letting you go (to do things you want to do) without actually let you go is probably the best decision I've made so far. Because I'm sure you want the same too which is keeping me.

P/S : My love like a star, you can't always see me but you know that I'm always there. If you see one shining take it as mine and remember I'm always near.

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