Sunday, April 12, 2015

Letting Go Move On : Day 6

"Love is a gamble. It depends on how much you throw away your value - sacrifices"

Who loves more? An argument which never ends. Both parties expressed their feelings by words, actions and decisions. But there's always something that bothers their mind;

"Look at you, you're fine without me but me? I lost everything when I lost you"

"I love u more that's why I hurt more"

"You don't understand because you're not in my shoes"

Well, you can easily said that because it's your own feeling and it's only you who truly know about it. But if the other side didn't feel or want the same, why they tried to keep you for so long? Why they never said they don't like you? Why they can't end it? Why they keep on saying the same thing that they love you more too eventhough you feel it's not?

What have you tried to ask in your mind is all about you, you and you. You never know their mind, their feelings or their wants. It's like, they don't understand your feelings and you also don't understand theirs. Maybe you know that they love you because they show it. But you never ever going to know who loves who more. That's a never ever ending question that just going to make your life miserable. And you keep on doing it because you just can't drop the topic as a reason everytime you are in mad or argue with each other.

And then you expect them to behave exactly like you when you guys stay mad at each other. Just to see who suffers more when you guys without each other. What's the point? Do you able to hear what their minds think of? Do you able to feel what their hearts beating for? What can you just see is only their outside -  their shows. Just because you cried, you can't do anything, you can't sleep, you had nigtmares and panic attacks, and etc, you'll expect the other side to show the same things as yours. With that you'll know who suffers more loves more? Probably yes probably no. Yes in term of maybe they are just stronger than you thats why they can hold it. No because you don't know inside them. Maybe they suffers more inside and you'll never be able to see it. What you can do is just believe. If you still love them and you can feel that you are still being loved, so there is no need for you to continue about this argument. You can cried you can expressed everything it's not a wrongdoing but never questions about their loves towards you because you never know the answer. You just can feel for it and believe that they still want you and love you as you are. Maybe you just need to be as strong as them.

Sometimes in this life you have to act and accept. Like, you know they are happy with that something but you're not. You know if you express your feeling that you are sad or hurt if you heard about that something with them, you'll mad with each other. Sometimes you have to sacrifice and hold your feeling inside. Although you don't like it or hate it, you just have to show as if you love it. For their happiness, for yours too. If not, you'll lose them. And your happiness is all about them. Yes, you'll feel sad, not as happy as before but it's better than nothing. Because you know you can do nothing about it except play acting so that you won't lose them. Today, you made that sacrifice, probably later they will too. And it's all about what you need to do, not what you want to do at that moment. Yes it is hurting but if you accept it slowly, you'll find your innerpeace and be calm everytime any challenge come into your life. So whether to gamble or not is a choice, but to love and be loved is a destiny - a fate that you have to face.

P/S : What if one day, you woke up from your sleep, go to the people you love and being love for all this time, try to hug them but they rejected it. Try to kiss them but they don't want it. And then they say "I don't think I can continue this, I just don't feel it, I don't think I love u anymore.".............

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