Monday, April 13, 2015

Letting Go Move On : Day 7

"Nightmares after Nightmares"

When you get overly attached to someone all you can see and think is them. Whether you're in happy, sad, trouble, neutral or anything else, your mind will keep on saying;

"I wish you were here"

It'll be miserable if they happen to be in your dreams too. If they happen to treat you right, you'll wake up smiling and satisfied, but if they don't, it'll be the worse nightmare that you ever had in your entire life. People change. So does feelings. If you hate what they are doing, you'll become pushy. Pushy causes people to be irritated. And believe me, you don't wanna irritate people you love. At some point of their life, if you keep insisting, keep pushing and keep irritating, their feeling for you might change. And when that happens, it just a little too late for you to mend it. All fairytales turn into nightmares. You cried, you crushed, you become miserable day in and out, but you just don't want your sleep haunted you too. Because everytime you wake up from your sleep, you wish you can have a new brand day but if it is from another nightmare, you won't have one. Trust me, I had lots of nightmares that I don't want to be part of. People might think I overreacted and exaggerated but that's my problem that I also wish I don't have. Because at the end of the day, it's only me who understand what's going through in my life, what I have become, and what I have handled. Its like a battlefield for me, people have no idea. And the enemy is my own reflection, like a divergent. If you are weak, it's gonna be the end for you. Maybe sometimes letting go isn't about people, maybe sometimes letting go means letting something that always haunted you, causes you to be dysfuntional or delusional from reality. You don't want to be sick while watching your love one live like nothing had happened to their life. It's a lost for you to make your life like that. It's always hard to start something you dislike, but it'll be easier afterwards. And I hope my life can be as easy as it is supposed to be.

P/S : I hope I can get rid all of my nightmares. I know that my mind is overthinking and that's probably why they came into my sleep. But seeing you hate me, strangling while I hold you, wanting to go so bad, make me realize that I can't stand or live if I'm the reason who make you hate me. Only if I can turn back time all this might not happened.

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